Today I wondered what it must be like to be a brand new human being, just a day or two old, and taking your first poop.
I mean, it's gotta scare you out of your mind. Here you are, trying to adjust to your new surroundings, no longer in the comforts of your mother's uterus (womb, whatever), and there's this warm, squishy, wormy thing coming out of the lower part of your body. What's going on?!? you must wonder. What IS that?? And when do I stop pushing?!
Then, you continue on, day after day. Pooping. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. Why isn't it consistent? you ask yourself. How come on some days it feels like a little Winchester cigar coming out of my butt, and other days it feels as though a mudslide is about to overtake California? Am I sick, am I dying? Do the cigars mean good luck? Why do my mommy or daddy wipe it away from my butt every time I do this? Am I doing something wrong? Should it be a different color? But even when it is a different color, they still wipe it all away. Then it comes back. Day after day. Sometimes even hour after hour.
Seriously. It's gotta freak a kid out that first week.
